First – please excuse the typos in this post, I am writing this in haste.
I was in a horrible funk this weekend. Not necessarily mean, however very somber and filled with overwhelming sadness. Normally I wake up on Sunday’s with coffee in hand, ready to blog to my hearts desire and spend te rest of my day with the family.
Yesterday – not so much.
9am I had church via TV with Joel Osteen. I did not shower, I just woke up and sat on my sofa alone, barely watching, hardly listening. The message was about how our main duty as Christians was to love with no strings (judgement) attached. He was totally on point, however, instead of joyful, I felt empty, sad, and overwhelmed. Hubby finally woke up 10:30 AM and wondered why I did not wake him for church – I simply shrugged my shoulders and said “I knew you were tired from yesterday.” After he ate breakfast he immediately started his devotional at the kitchen table. I realized by 11AM I had not eaten. I preparred myself a small plate, sat next to him and ate. Half way into my eating he must have noticed the sadness in me. He simply said,
“You need to read this.”
He was holding his ipad with a Bible app. “Well duh – we all should read that!”
“No – This is a soul detox, not a detox for your body but for your soul. I am reading through this and a lot of it sounds like things you say.”
He found this reading plan on YouVersion, the Bible app on our ipads. It really was called Soul Detox. Its a 35 day devotional plan aimed at clearing the toxic thoughts we all experience in our heads.
The first devotional “Our thoughts matter so much. The thought really does count because what you think determines what you become. Unfortunately, most of us tend to be held captive by toxic thoughts, rather than focusing our thoughts on God’s truth. This week you will read from God’s Word about the dangers of toxic thoughts and how you can replace them with God’s truth.
How have your toxic thoughts negatively affected your life and relationships?”
Huh I don’t think this Post It in my hand has enough room!
– I constantly compare my design work to other designers, seeing all kinds of error and room for improvement in my work. (I am crippling and limiting myself)
– I compare my body type to other women – even though I constantly catch my husband staring and groping me like a piece of meat. (Instead of being healthy and appreciating my husbands fondness for me, I ignore my health and at times my husband)
-I fill my head with lists! LONG, never ending list, that I pressure myself into trying complete everyday. (I set myself up for failure)
– Once I don’t finish my list, I feel as if I should be punished (ok that one is weird, even for me)
-I tell myself that I am a horrible mom and wife because I work so much (This impacts my attitude towards my immediate family)
-I loose sleep in the middle of the night, because i am worried about not getting everything done, and letting down my clients, family, and colleagues.
-I am terrified of failing, and I think about the day I will fail all the time!
O-M-GAH! I have totally toxic thoughts!! I never realized how heavy, and destructive these were until I wrote them down. Its like the piece of paper itself weighed 5 pounds. I put the plan aside, and decided to go about working (or trying to catch up on work) and I realized I kept doing it. Thoughts of failure, comparing myself to others, etc…. WOW.
I am first to know how blessed my life is. I am also keenly aware that each of us reaches the finish line in our own lane and our own path. I also know that I am not alone out there – with my toxic thoughts. We are so used to having these negative thoughts in our heads, and we wonder why we repeat the behaviors that get us absolutely nowhere! Or we end up and stay in situations, that we feel we do not deserve to get out of.
Here is a link to the Soul Detox: Christian or not – this new “detoxed”way of thinking will help the masses: https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/257-soul-detox
“We are not a body with a soul. We are a soul with a body. While the world rightly teaches us to detox our bodies, sometimes we need to detox our soul.”
Categories: My Life